The first time I heard someone differentiate between “reacting” and “responding”, I actually felt defensive to the idea of them being different. (That was me reacting…not responding.) When I understood this distinction, I then lowered my defenses and started to get curious about responding and reacting.

What is the difference?

REACTING is what you do without thought. It’s the automatic action, or words, that you use in a given situation before you’ve had a chance to think about it. Reacting comes from the limbic system, which is also your fight or flight system. For example, an officer gets a call about someone wielding a gun in public and yelling, the officer is going to react, putting their training into action. Reacting can help save your life. Reactions are sometimes a fight or flight response, as it would be in this case.

RESPONDING is what you do when you have a chance to engage the prefrontal cortex, which is the area of the brain that is responsible for rational thought, decision making and planning for the future. It takes about 90 seconds after exposure to some stimulus, verbal or otherwise, to engage the prefrontal cortex. If that same officer stopped to think about the danger of that call, they may not be as effective as they needed to be, because they would have time to think about the danger they are headed into.

The prefrontal cortex is located towards the upper part of the brain, and the limbic system is located in the lower part of the brain, above the brainstem. This is important because it takes more time to activate the prefrontal cortex than it does the limbic system. We are built like this by design…and for scenarios like the one I used as an example.

Reacting doesn’t always work in your favor though. When an officer is under chronic stress and/or they have experienced a lot of trauma, as many officers do, they can start to get into a state of perpetual fight or flight, making it harder to access rational thoughts and decisions. Everything will start to appear to be a threat, including an innocent request from a spouse, and this is where reacting vs responding can get tricky, because the nervous system is erroneously reading that innocent request as a threat.

When to react or respond?

Let’s keep it simple, shall we? When your life's on the line, you will react, not respond. Period. You do not have the time to wait 90 seconds for rational thought, you have to do something and you have a split second, or less, to decide what to do to get out of there alive.

It is easy to figure out whether you have the time to respond or not. If you can take a deep breath…your life is not on the line. Therefore, you can respond. This is the way humans were built, back when saber tooth tigers and other scary animals were trying to eat us. The caveman didn’t stop, take a deep breath, look over their shoulder and say “Oh crap…the tiger is still there, and getting closer” and keep running. They just ran without thought…and kept running.

It takes about 90 seconds to let information travel to the prefrontal cortex where a rational response is possible. It also takes some emotional maturity and practice to wait out those 90 seconds but that’s for another blog.

In summary

If you can take a deep breath…then take the time to keep breathing for 90 seconds, until the urge to react (usually in anger or fear) ebbs and rational thought is possible again.

If you do not have time to take a deep breath, then you are reacting and that is the best way to respond to the situation at that moment.

So the next time your spouse asks you to do something and you want to snap in response, take a deep breath first. That’s the clue to your nervous system that they are not a threat to you. Keep taking nice deep breaths into your belly until you can respond to them rationally.

Expanding on the idea

While taking a deep breath isn’t something you are meant to do in a fight or flight situation, you can learn to control your breathing when you are in a critical situation or a long standoff. In fact, learning breathing techniques can enhance your ability to keep a clear mind, and a more resourceful nervous system, in an ongoing stressful situation.

Box breathing is a great way to regulate your breath. Inhale for a count of 5, hold for 5, exhale for 5 and hold for 5. Repeat until you feel yourself calm.

Another option is to make the exhale longer than the inhale. Anytime you do this, you give your nervous system another clue that you are okay. A popular breathing technique with a longer exhale is 4-7-8 breathing. Inhale for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8.

Maintaining focus on your breath and using one of those techniques can help keep your mind clear and lower the impact of the fight or flight response and allow your body to recover more quickly from the high stress situation.

About the Author: FPI Fellow Katie Wrigley is a Cognomovement Practitioner and Coach – pain and trauma specialist. To read her bio click here. To learn more about her efforts to help first responders grapple with impact of the job on their personal lives click here.

Helpful source: Cognomvement is designed to help people address their issues, eliminate blocks and dissolve unwanted life patterns. To learn more about this, and how it can help, go to www.cognomovement.com